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Facts about Chuck Norris

Clearly, this is not everybody's taste. Either you know this type of joke or you don't. In case you don't, you have to get the trick first.
So, here is my collection of facts...

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.


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Wolfgang Wieser
Last modified: 2008-03-12 23:38:51